Take Care of Your Girls

I dread mammograms, do you?  It's a yearly ritual that's tempting to avoid.  But go I must, so go I do.

My mom died of breast cancer -- she ignored the yearly ritual, and a lump that was the size of a golf ball.  Enough said.


So first thing this morning, I marched myself into the ugly brick building that houses the mammogram center, signed the brown clip board and took a seat on the orange vinyl chair, with palms sweating, and heart trying to stay calm. 

There's something about having your girls smashed between two pieces of metal that makes me a little nervous . . . okay, a lot nervous.  Once, about 16 years ago, I got a technician that said "I'm sorry, I'm just not getting a good read on this because your tissue is too dense."  She said it 4, I repeat, 4 times, tightening the vice, each time she said it.   Having your size 36 D boobs completely flattened isn't something you want to experience over and over again within a 10 minute period, trust me on this one.   I left the office that day feeling the way an orange must feel when it has been squeezed to death and wondered if my mis-shaped "girls" would ever need another bra.


Today's experience was a little better, there was only one moment of searing pain.  As the technician was tightening away, she told me that a woman had recently come in for her mammogram dressed as a clown -- she worked as a clown and was on her way to a party.    That visual was just too funny.   I laughed so hard I needed to bend over, but I couldn't because I was trapped.     I'm mean, who in the world wears a clown suit to get a mammo??  A working woman, that's who.  Sometimes you do what you've gotta do, right?

I left today feeling pretty good knowing that I wouldn't have to do this again for another year.  I hope I get the same technician on my next visit.  She was nice.


I think all mammogram centers should have See's chocolate truffles waiting for you when you are done.   Because if you ever needed a treat, mammogram day is the day.  Just sayin.

Have you had your yearly checkup yet?  If not, I advise you to suck it up, and do it.  If a busy clown can make time, so can you.   But, on appointment day, take a candy bar with you -- You'll need the comfort of chocolate to aid your recovery.